Bonjour
J'ai une lettre de motivation à rédiger pour un programme d'echange universitaire avec les USA dans le but d'y travailler 1 mois pendant cet été.
J'ai écris ceci, j'aimerais savoir si vous avez des commentaires et/ou des corrections à faire ou de la reformulation, merci beaucoup de votre aide.
 
Exprimez votre motivation sur papier libre en anglais en une dizaine de lignes et precisez ce que vous attendez de ce séjour ainsi que le type d'emploi que vous souhaiteriez (ceci etant à titre indicatif).
 
I always loved the United States. Since I was a kid I dream about living in New-York, city I saw through a lot of american movies and tv shows that I always watched in original versions.
I took all opportunities that they were gave to me to go to USA, so I went to the west coast for about two weeks with my parents five years ago. When they told me one year later they wanted to visit New York city I jumped through the roof ! I was really excited to see NY by myself and actually, I never really came back from this trip. When I left I just decided to go back to america whenever I can, and that happened last summer when a friend of mine who used to study in las vegas asked me if I wanted to come for the end of spring break. How could I say no ? So I took the money I earned during summer, catch a plane and landed in the free world again. This was the 1st time I travelled alone, no parents but friends wainting for me at the airport, and that was the greatest vacation I lived. I have to admit I really though about staying thereat the end of the journey.
But I came home, and now I want to know what is it like to work in the USA. I want to earn some money, buy some food, just live like a real american student. I can't afford to study in USA, so this is program is an opportunity for me to see if I got what it takes to live there.

Cela fait très enfantin, pas très construit. Enfin, c'est mon avis.

dis juste que t'es républicain

catch, caught, caught ...

Forum emploi & Etudes no ? Parce que dans le forum Loisirs

http://forum.hardware.fr/hfr/Emplo [...] ujet-1.htm

Tu exprimes bien ton amour pour les USA, mais tu ne dis pas... pourquoi ?
 
Je ne pense pas que vivre comme ceux qui tu voyais à la télé quand tu étais petit, ou aller passer le spring break avec des américaines en chaleur soient des motifs interessants pour eux
 
Tu devrais plus détailler ce que tu comptes faire une fois de retour là-bas, parler de tes projets: de ce que tu peux apporter, et de ce qu'il te sera ammené en retour.

Merci pour vos reponses (et ce p****** de verbe irregulier catch caught caught, comment j'ai pu passer à coté !)
Pour le style enfantin et mes experiences (hot hot hot), l'énoncé precise bien de faire court, une dizaine de lignes au max.
J'ai essayé de faire un truc plus construit, mais je me retrouve avec 2 pages de dissert, et à vrai dire j'ai dit la vérité, j'ai commencé a m'interesser aux USA apres avoir vu taxi driver quand j'etais tout piti...
je pense faire sauter le mot spring break c'est vrai que ca le fait pas trop, mais comment dire alors la fin des vacances d'été ?
Sinon y a aussi le "free world" qui me gene, une alternative à la repetition USA/america/united states ?
 
Merci en tout cas

Revois ta grammaire, dès la seconde phrase il y a une faute...
 
Sinon comme dit ça fait *enfantin* comme courrier.

Sinon Taxi Driver c'est un film connoté politiquement, à l'époque ce fut une claque, j'éviterais d'en parler à ta place, par simple neutralité. C'est un peu, toutes proportions gardées, comme si un américain disait qu'il s'était intéressé à la France après avoir vu La grande bouffe, ça va faire bizarre.

C'est sur, et je suis resté generaliste sur les movies/tv shows qui m'ont influencés.
 
Pour la faute à la deuxieme phrase, tu parles de "I dreamed about living..." ?

Since I was a kid I dream about living in New-York, city I saw through a lot of american movies and tv shows that I always watched in original versions.  
 
=> Since I was a kid, I've been dreaming about living in NY, a city I've seen through a lot of TV shows and movies (with no subtitles).
 
Ce sera moins lourd amha pour la fin de ta phrase.

 
     
 
Alors ça évite de le dire    
 
 
Inutile je pense d'enumerer comme tu le fais tes différents séjours au pays de l'oncle sam; dis simplement que tu as eu l'occasion de visiter le pays plusieurs fois (en détaillant un peu ce qui t'as plu / marqué), et surtout en disant ce qu'un enchange pourrait d'offrir de PLUS que ce que tu as déjà connu. Pourquoi ? Comment ? Etc...

Merci pour vos avis, je vais écrire une deuxieme version  

Nouvelle version :
 
I've always loved the United States. Since I was a kid, I've been dreaming about living in NY, a city I've seen through a lot of TV shows and movies in english.  
I took all opportunities which were given to me to go to USA, so I went to the west coast for about two weeks with my parents five years ago. When they said one year later they wanted to visit New York City I told them there were no way they can go without me. I was really excited to see NYC by myself and actually, I've never really came back from this trip. When I left I just decided to go back to america whenever I can, and that happened last summer when a friend  
of mine who used to study in Las Vegas asked me if I wanted to visit him for a week or two. How could I say no ?
Those trips learned me a lot of things, but only on a touristic way. I didn't have to care about such things like when I had to wake up, or how can I get some money, and most of all if I got a problem I could speak french with my parents or my friend.
This program is an opportunity for me to know what it really means to work in the USA, to learn the  
american way of life, to live like a real american student. I can't afford to sudy in America, so this is a chance for me to know if I got what it takes to live in the USA.  

Y a toujours des fautes de concordance de temps, tu devrais aller sur le sujet "english topic" ils pourront t'aider, mon anglais n'est pas assez bon pour tout corriger nickel...

I always loved the United States. Since I was a kid, I've been dreaming about living in NY, a city I've seen through a lot of TV shows and movies in english.  
I took all opportunities which were given to me to go to USA, so I went to the west coast for about two weeks with my parents five years ago. When they said one year later they wanted to visit New York City I told them there was no way they would go without me. I was really excited to see NYC by myself and actually, I've never really came back from this trip. When I left I just decided to go I'd come back to america whenever I can could, and that happened last summer when a friend of mine who used to study in Las Vegas asked me if I wanted to visit him for a week or two. How could I say no ?
Those trips learned me a lot of things, but only on in a touristic way. I didn't have to care about such things like when I had to wake up, or how can I get some money, and most of all if I got a problem if there was any issue  I could speak french with my parents or my friend.
This program is an opportunity for me to know what it really means to work in the USA, to learn the american way of life, to live like a real american student. I can't afford to study in America, so this is a chance for me to know if I got what it takes to live in the USA there.

C'est sans doute mieux mais bon j'parle un anglais d'informaticien

Merci pour tes interventions fred999, tu m'aides grandement    
Je vais suivre ton conseil et poster cette version sur l'english topic

Voici ma contribution. Sinon je pense que la deuxieme partie de la derniere phrase aurait besoin d'etre totalement reecrite (perso j'ai toujours du mal a cerner son sens).